Non posso (I can't...keep up, that is)

So my internet is spotty at best - for some reason the Italian ethernet cord does not seem to like my American Macbook so much - but here I am typing away in my new luminous room.  I have completely moved in!  After a long and arduous trip to Ikea (which, let me tell you, if you think its stressful in the US, try doing it in a country that in no way supports making useful information obvious, such as where buses pick you up), my bed is at least ready for sleeping.  As always - how does this always happen to me in Italy? - I schlepped my suitcases up 5 flights of stairs.  But, that's what I get for wanting the top floor with the terrace, the killer view, and the cool exposed wooden beams in my ceiling.  Vale la pena - it's totally worth it.  My camera is disfunctional at the moment and the pics I took on my computer just don't do it justice - so pics will have to come in the next post.

So right now, my days involve grammar class with the other people in my program from 10-12:30...and that's about it.  Of course I do have homework and I really need to do a lot of work - I find that I can understand basically anything people say to me, but being able to produce those words is another story.  So I definitely need to work on my language a lot more.  However, now that I am finally all settled in, I feel I can really start to see Bologna in a different way.  I'll have my afternoons to go see churches, go to museums, and that sort of thing.  Bologna has such an amazing history, and the university is literally the oldest in Europe (founded in 1088!  I am literally in the company of Dante and Galileo!).  The thing is, I realized that I have seen Bologna really only through one perspective so far...and that is through the lens of FOOD.

Yes.  Bologna is known as the "grassa," or fat.  As in, it is known as the place in Italy where you will literally eat the best food of your life.  And that is saying something, because, let's face it, it's Italy, and I can't imagine eating poorly anywhere.  But no, Bologna has this awesome reputation for being awesome at food.  And it has taken me only two weeks to realize, dear god, I cannot keep up with these Italians.

Really, I just need someone to explain how 45 year old Italian women can have 4 children, live in Bologna (where it is impossible to hate food), and literally be a size 0.  It makes no sense.  But not only are my taste buds constantly accosted by course after course of rich and beautiful food, I have to drink too.  I don't just mean alcohol, I mean in general, I need to drink all beverages possible.  Example of the days when I follow the true Italian schedule (NB: feel free to throw extra espressos in whenever you feel so moved):

Breakfast - cappuccino or espresso (duh), and bread/croissant product.  Fruit?  For breakfast?  What?  No, ok, maybe some dates, a hard boiled egg, dry dry dry toast, jam, or straight-up whole milk.  I think we all know that this spells constipation.  So maybe 2 espressos to start the day off right.

Lunch - Panino with cheese, tomatoes, eggplant, maybe prosciutto.  Search arduously for a fruit vendor to battle the carb overload.

Aperitivo, around 6:30 - well, this is just great.  By a drink for 5 euros, get a glass of wine and unlimited buffet of all types of crostini, antipasti, pasta, etc.  Basically, this could be dinner.  In fact, sometimes it is (on my faux Italian days when I can't adhere strictly to the schedule).

Dinner, possibly at 8, but really the later the better (perhaps 9 is ideal) - And seriously, one plate is more than enough.  Pasta ragu, e finito.  But if you are really Italian, you have a primo and a secondo piatto (pasta, then meat dish), often preceded by antipasti (think bruschetta).  Obviously, more wine.  Espresso post-dinner equally necessary, desirable, and expected.

Dolci - oh yeah, it continues.  Just go for it.  How good does tiramisu or panna cotta or mascarpone con frutta or even gelato sound after all that?  No don't worry, you are not ready to puke yet, its all those espressos, they just do the digesting for you.  Plus, consider dessert an opportunity to fit in your second helping of fruit for the day.  Easy.

Then, after dinner and dessert, and if its a weekend, head out to a bar and have drinks with friends.  Perhaps it will help to postpone your FOOD COMA that is almost fully onset by that final bite of panna cotta.  Because lets face it, if an espresso can't cure it, then alcohol probably can.

Seriously, there is no way real people can do this.  I mean, merely ignoring the fact that this diet includes more bread and carbohydrates then even I can process (and I certainly love carbs), never did I expect to be so violently accosted by, of all things, food.  This is practically a sport.

I mean really, my life has revolved entirely around meals.  Luckily, now that I am settled, I will have more control over this seemingly impossible schedule of gastronomic activity and perhaps won't feel so peer pressured by all of the trattorias and caffes.  At least I have hit the point where I can accept the fact that my American body, mind, and stomach just cannot handle - or rather, truly embrace - every aspect of the Italian food system.  Which is why I ate Indian food for lunch the other day (and while the naan was a bit like foccaccia, it was quite a nice break).